🔗 Share this article

Personally seek out insights from people on dealing with middle-aged struggles, including existential reckonings, diminishing importance, growing a neck akin to a surrealist painting along with a recent enthusiasm about property shows. Most recently, I discovered his remarks on turning 50 via a discussion: “Trimming unnecessary clutter is key to enjoying your later years,” he noted. “Just be with lovely people. I’m avoiding negative people – ‘mood hoovers’ – and getting better at saying no.”

My first thought was: isn’t there a tension between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Doesn’t that mean he has to avoid himself? I get it – such remarks define us negative types, and yes, I’m one of them. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Steer clear of labels like “killjoy” or “buzzkill” – equating us to mundane objects hurts; we do experience emotions (even if they’re mostly bleak). If forced, I’d agree to “gloomy soft cover”.

It’s possible you’re also a member. Are you less the life and soul of the party and more its accountant or undertaker? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Upon hearing “exciting” ideas, do you make a face as if you’ve tasted something vile? Can you relate deeply to pessimistic characters; has an intuitive ever described your energy as dull?

If so, you’re one of us, but it’s OK. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. I reckon a mood hoover would have said something discouraging – or at least made a slug-swallowing face – when Jamie described his plan to write a kids’ book with an Australian First Nation main character without consulting Indigenous communities, which could have prevented a whole lot of problems, upset and offence. Such critical insights aren’t typical from “positive” friends.