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The current period signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {